The Mind Speaks

2012-01-30T23:36:00.001+08:00

If the glass is cracked, you can never fix it to how it was before.

2012-01-14T07:48:00.002+08:00

When there's not much of response after everything,

I'm left fearing the worst.

Just me, and myself.

2012-01-14T02:39:00.003+08:00

I have not blogged for a long time.

It seems there's been no proper time to blog, or any time i'd want to blog.

Fallen inwards.

My mistake, it is?

Funny how our minds can play games with us.

Mine plays a long a serious one.

2011-12-10T11:19:00.002+08:00

Words can cut where knives can't.

2011-11-27T00:29:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I wished I didn't see what I saw.
It doesn't go away.

Let me know, don't let me wonder.
Because my curiosity can kill us.

This feeling has to stop.

2011-10-18T01:34:00.002+08:00

As hard as I convince and force on myself that we shall see how things goes,
there's the inevitable going concern.

2011-09-23T01:56:00.002+08:00

I don't know if I can keep up.
I just wish for your hand to hold on to.

2011-09-23T01:54:00.002+08:00

It was all about you.
But I do hope it'll be all about me once in a while.

Time is passing by so fast, don't go with it.

2011-09-03T11:52:00.002+08:00

I will try no matter what. I don't want to give up again.

To understand and to do something about it are two separate matters.
I guess you understand.
But it stops right there.

2011-08-27T00:09:00.001+08:00

inevitable distance.
Uneasy.

Would you still be there?

2011-08-24T01:13:00.003+08:00

You've been told of my weakness.
Would you understand?

__________________________

The very first reason it was you,
don't let it fade away.

Resurfaced.

2011-08-17T10:12:00.002+08:00

Knowing that you're still you.

2011-08-14T22:05:00.001+08:00

Everything that matters breaks in two.

2011-08-14T02:02:00.001+08:00

the 13th of August.
Do you remember?
It was this day that was.

2011-08-14T01:54:00.002+08:00

You won't have the time to be here.
Even if you do, this will still be unread.
If anyone could understand, I think nobody would.
Not bothered?
Just forgotten.
____________________________________________________

The past isn't anything if you don't care about the present or the future.
The present can vary from the past, and the future based on the present.

The reason and purpose of this is all forgotten.

2011-08-14T01:39:00.002+08:00

"It's getting harder and harder to breathe"

2011-08-06T01:34:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I wished somethings will stay the same. Not sometimes, always.
I'm feeling something is missing already.

Nights I spend sitting here, waiting for something.
I've gotten so used to the fact that it comes every night since almost a year ago.
But lately it's changing.
It's just a small detail, but sometimes the smallest details mean alot too.
I don't want to get used to this.
Never. Don't force me to.
I'm still waiting.

2011-07-29T02:28:00.001+08:00

Exactly 365 days since your actions first convinced me of who you really are.

It was, on that day, for the first time.

2011-07-26T17:22:00.002+08:00

Sometimes we know we shouldn't, but we just can't help it.
It haunts me.
Disturbs me.
My thoughts run wild, my imagination spills everywhere.
All over the same things, things of the past.
The past doesn't really matter anymore, with everything already said and done.
But the thoughts of how the past paved a way to what the future may be is another thing.
I shouldn't, but I just can't help it.
Stupid things to do.

2011-07-26T17:17:00.002+08:00

Some riddles can never be solved,
some mysteries can never be unraveled,
some questions can never be answered.
No one can help me with this, but myself.
I'm on my own.

2011-07-18T16:42:00.003+08:00

Epvcu zpv fwfs dpnf cz ifsf. Ep zpv?
I get rather upset when some things are slowly being forgotten, like the little things that are special. Well, used to be special.
Zpvst are never forgotten, but njof?
Do you even know what I'm talking about?

2011-06-30T04:27:00.002+08:00

Some moments of the past we'd want to relive,
some moments of the past that we wish we could erase.
No matter what, the past stays as it is.
The past would be nothing but what brought us here today, and a distant memory.

I'm very immature. Naive.
I wish you would keep the same things of the past just like I am doing, but I guess you don't, probably won't. It's just a small matter, why bother? =)

I haven't blogged this early in the morning for a long time now.
I wish understanding was much easier.
I wish for so many other things, including you but we never know what tomorrow brings.

I'm not supposed to, but I envy, even when I'm on the higher ground.
Boy am I so selfish.
Maybe for once, I'm not on the higher ground anymore. Just too low to reach.
Maybe just for now, but who knows?

Time for bed.
Mornin'.

2011-06-27T00:11:00.001+08:00

I'm falling apart.
Falling.

2011-06-25T23:26:00.005+08:00

I'm wondering if this blog ever gets read. Do you read it? maybe not.

The strong should help the week, expecting them to be stronger by themselves is not a solution;
I'm so broken up. Will you fix me or leave me by myself?

literally close, but you're starting to leave. It was not like this. Not all the time.

2011-06-19T23:34:00.001+08:00

Patience. I lost yours. It's halfway gone.

2011-05-28T13:27:00.002+08:00

Sometimes I just want to shout out loud, punch this screen, just tear everything up.
Are we heard?
Is there a use to reason?
who will hear?
Reason or merely an excuse?
Who will trust us?

If you do something wrong, and you do not reason it out, what then?
Just say nothing?
There's gotta be more than just an apology.
But reasons seem more like excuses over time.
And eventually, no reason is heard.

To remain in the silence? or to speak out and reason when all you reasoned out is seen as only an excuse? Either way don't they end up with bad outcomes?
No one is perfect, what then?

SERIOUSLY. I JUST. PWEHIFNAIJWIEFJOWEIFJ CMSIEFJSPDJXCFKLSDF
NKACLSJ
DFLASCVJSDKLFCVDCVD
FJAS
CVDJFKASCVDJFCVSDJCV
SFJKLASDJFLKASCJDFKJA
SDKAJSDFKASJDKFCSDJD
JFLKASDFJ

Round the world and back again

2011-05-28T04:01:00.003+08:00

After so many years, here I am once again blogging in the wee hours of the morning.
It's been a while and I noticed my blog is starting to die, it's probably too slow paced and cumbersome for people to read rather than the fast paced updated facebook.

oh well. Anyways exams are halfway done. I did what I've been doing since I was young, making sure my maths would be top notch. This year was really scary. Imagine not being able to do what you enjoy doing so much. The feeling that you can't do anything at all.

I even went through old posts and blogs I used to read. And I just realized how bad I am, as a friend to everyone.
Sometimes we try so hard to help someone, give advice and hope, it ends up hurting them more and we end up getting them into a more painful situation than the one before.
Imagine. And how many things have happened because of what I've done?
I can remember very clearly ever since I was 15, it all began.
Ruining things that come into my hands, letting opportunities slip past, making everyone leave in the end, burden everyone, make myself look pathetic.
This.. other side.
I can smile as easily as possible, even for no reason.
But we never know sometimes, it is possible otherwise.
Yes, being upset so easily, sometimes for no reason at all.
You're probably thinking "WHAT? what kind of guy is this." or "emo guy, dunno what's his prob."
I have a very big problem, true. I have a low EQ. explains alot?
Just anything at all can bring me down easily especially things that matter to me the most.

Anyway forget what I just said, it's just crap. as my blog url says so.
I've been through so much this one and a half year in college. Honestly I haven't been this strong, nor this weak before.

Still wondering what to do with my blog.

Time to get a wink of sleep. Goodnight.

Building and demolishing,
lift up, pull down,
heal, hurt,
no one can be two at once,
or else those that come will leave.. eventually.

2011-05-14T02:17:00.001+08:00

Cause I just can't look its killing me
And taking control.
Sometimes it's inevitable, that I'll end up being Mr. Brightside.

2011-05-07T10:11:00.001+08:00

In ruins.

2011-04-25T14:15:00.002+08:00

Almost lost what I tried so hard to get, what I tried so long to get.
Almost..

Holding something so priceless. So fragile.
It's already in your hands.
You don't hold on to it properly and it falls on the floor.
You're lucky it cracks (to which extent you're not sure yet) instead of shattering into pieces which you would be then losing it for good.
Broken pieces to fit back the same way.
Is it cracked? dented? How much? we don't know.
But if it falls again, it won't be what it used to be anymore.

But that's not the point. The point is if you ever let it get damaged, you don't deserve it.
I'm feeling undeserving of this.
This is, for the first time in my life, I've been given grace from a person.

2011-04-25T02:12:00.000+08:00

Something wrong? no. Everything's wrong with me.

2011-04-23T12:07:00.002+08:00

Am I not in the picture?

You in my shoes and I in yours.

2011-04-21T01:36:00.002+08:00

Everyone is busy.
But take a second to reflect on ourselves how we've been no matter what the circumstances.

Take a breather and think for a moment.

How would you feel if someone starts treating you the way you treat them?
Would you hate them because it's something unpleasant?
or would it be something that you'd feel good about?

If everyone around you started acting like you, would everyone get along?
Or would everyone distance themself from each other, not being able to get along?

2011-04-20T20:22:00.002+08:00

Think once, yet-to-be-bloomed comfort.
Think twice, secrets hidden deep.

2011-04-19T19:24:00.004+08:00

Trust. A word easy to say, but the deeds to convince us is hard to come by.

Sometimes we want to trust, we convince ourselves to give it a shot.
One shot that could either bring benefits, or just hurt us.

Sometimes we mistrust people because we've failed to see the truth in them.

Mistrust is my bestfriend because Trust hasn't shown up.

Convince me.

2011-04-17T18:05:00.004+08:00

each time I listen to this song, it brings me back to those July-August days.
It makes me miss those days.

Back to those days where I didn't realize I was falling for you.

2011-04-15T16:07:00.002+08:00

This is honestly the first time I'm feeling something that has happened over one year.
It's exactly 1 year since I came to Mas1.
Everything I've been through.
I've never missed the old days as much as I do now.
Perhaps it's because we've 3 weeks left to our exams and after our exams, we'll probably never see each other again.
Fun and drama, it made the entire year a roller coaster, but rather memorable.
Memories of all the fun, scars of all the pain, how could I forget this one year after everything that has happened?
_________________________________________

Songs that bring back memories.
Memories so strong, like it were only yesterday.
But how sad it is that yesterday is already long gone, and tomorrow will never be the same as today and yesterday.

2011-03-29T23:01:00.002+08:00

Reopening my blog to the general public.

Mock exams are coming just right up, and I'm not going to do well for it at all.
A2, is something I will work my brains out for.
An exam I'll work really hard.. really really hard, for the first time in my life.
Which is not a good thing. -_____-

2011-03-09T21:58:00.002+08:00

Convince me that you'll give it your all and not give up no matter what happens,
You'll have my word I'll give it everything I have.
Because, with complete honesty, you're unlike any other.
Losing you.. would be a nightmare so hard to forget.
A fear.
A great loss.

2011-03-09T00:27:00.001+08:00

Wish you would just hear me out.
Explanations, not excuses.

2011-03-06T16:26:00.003+08:00

Fear to do or say.
I don't know now.

2011-03-05T01:57:00.003+08:00

It's just a feeling. It doesn't matter. right?

2011-03-01T00:51:00.004+08:00

Only 1 word can describe what I'm feeling.
aW5zZWN1cmU=

I don't think I can bear it if it happens again.
To go through everything all over again.
Not that I'm sure it'll, but i'm having a feeling it might.. eventually.

The fear was always there, but was distant.
Now at this very moment, it's starting to get closer.
Its effects stronger by the second.
The fear of history repeating itself again, one way or another.

It's not happening, but I'm starting to feel it.
Prove my senses wrong because I can't.
I don't know how to.
I'm lost.

2011-02-28T00:38:00.003+08:00

Was never like this, until the twist came in.
I can't stand how things are.
Are they temporary or permanent?
If they're permanent, I can't take it.
Never will.

2011-02-26T11:40:00.002+08:00

Fragile like a piece of china.
Who likes that feeling?
It all begins with a crack.

2011-02-26T02:33:00.001+08:00

Failure.
Scars.
Kpugewtkva.

I think I'm losing.

2011-02-19T22:55:00.002+08:00

Hoping it'll never be.

2011-02-08T18:12:00.002+08:00

Sometimes we can't undo the things that has been done.
There's no rewind button.
Nothing we can do to reverse the effect of our actions.
Actions that bring about negative effects in our lives, effects strong enough to leave a scar.
This is where regret comes in.
Wishing and hoping we could go back in time to prevent what has happened from happening.
And to me.. It's a time where Daughtry's Used To plays on my mind.
The worse thing to have as the root of the problem, is character.
And that's the root to this problem.
Gigantic problem.

You. :)

2011-02-01T00:47:00.005+08:00

Another new month, but the same feelings.
The feelings that never changed but only grew stronger.
Feelings for that one person who means so much to me.
The only person that made everything brighter for me, starting with April 2010.
The one person to always pull me down to Earth each time I soar up too high.
The only person who knows me much more than anyone has ever known.
The one person whom I find has many things in common with me.
The only person who makes me smile when I'm sad,
or just makes me smile even wider when I'm already smiling.
The one person who I am reminded of when most of the songs in my playlist is played.
The only person who watches out for me, and to show concern for me.
The one person who has made me change so much, for the better.
The only person who plays with me and is my main source of laughter.
The one person who loves me as much as I love her, maybe even more.
The one person whom I'll regret if I ever let her go.
The only person who has my heart.
The one and only girl I'd keep by my side.
The one and only girl I love.
The girl whom I'd do it all over again for.
And that person is you, my sayang.

Happy New Month, Franciska Kim. :)

See? you tried to make me smile. :P

2011-01-27T23:23:00.002+08:00

One sentence breaks one world in two.
What else can be done when a million words have been said but still unable to put it all back together again?
There are wounds that never heal. Never seem to.
------------------------------------------------------------

Sacrifice.
People never know how much has come from you.
When you tell them, they see it as a complaint.
When you keep silent, they take everything you do for granted.

To keep in mind that we should do all we can with all our determination and with sincerity to our own limits to give them what they need, not let them push us around to meet with their demands instead.
Or else we will be taken for granted. stepped on. trampled upon. smitten. Forgotten.

2011-01-24T23:48:00.004+08:00

I always end up not being able to speak my mind especially in such short period of time or just no time at all.
It's a bad trait I have.
One that I wish I never had.
I wish it could just stop.
That this slow thinking and brain intepretation lag would just clear off.
I lack efficiency.
One that I once had.
I want to make this all right again, before it gets awry.

2011-01-16T21:24:00.002+08:00

The only thing that gets me feeling like this.
Some things change, some things just never change.
What about this?

2011-01-16T00:12:00.002+08:00

There's 2 parts to the thing I'm planning to do.
I want to leave. I plan to. I intend to.
But as I leave, I'll bring you along with me.

2011-01-13T19:54:00.003+08:00

I'm setting my blog on private from now on. seems like everyone is doing that to me. IM me or email me or just text me by this Sunday midnight and i'll grant the permission. There are exceptions however..

2011-01-13T01:50:00.000+08:00

It's been almost everyday now.
Don't know why this is happening.

New Year, New Blunder.

2011-01-02T01:34:00.002+08:00

It's the new year, but I guess some things just never change no matter what.

My ankle is still stuck somewhere on the pathway to recovery, no clue of whether it will ever heal properly.

First i strained my deltoid, then my scapula, now my elbow. awesome. just great. really great.

Mistakes made, they do the damage so great, repair seemed like nothing.

I tried to speak my mind and make a statement, but wrong impressions come out instead.

The wrong messages. What was to be spoken was misread.

Everything from nice and just sweet, turned bitter and all cloudy with darkness.

Speech is something I'm really lacking in. and it's getting worse by the second.

Sometimes we thought we were good at least at something when we were bad at almost everything.

We thought wrong. Well I did. I was never good at this. And I'm struggling to keep things going.

Trying not to fail but I don't seem to be able to avoid failure's grasp for me.

I thought I could be a good one, but i'm a really lousy one.

Just not good enough for you I guess.

the only benefit anyone would ever get from having me around is damage, sadness, pain, hurt, disappointment, and regret.

2010-12-18T02:03:00.002+08:00

Chances to make things right,
Chances to keep and to have to hold on.
Chances, chances that don't come just all the time.
Chances are what you give me.

2010-12-01T00:14:00.003+08:00

Damage has been done, words don't heal wounds done by actions and speech.
I still fail because all I've ever done is talk.
They don't mean a thing at all as long as I'm still idle.

2010-11-29T00:36:00.003+08:00

Sometimes no matter how determined we get, our disability makes our intention impossible.

The beginning of the end

2010-11-20T18:13:00.002+08:00

Well this is how I made my first day of freedom the WORST ever.

Day 1:
Woke up with a bad neck pain. extremely bad.
Waited for futsal where few pulled out.
Played futsal and my legs didnt last me half an hour. They were just SHAKING.
Sprained an ankle and the knee joint that is somehow connected to that ankle.
This is so fun.

Day 2:
There will be no day 2 because day 1 was the end of everything.
Greeeeeeeeeeaaaaaaat.

2010-11-18T22:25:00.002+08:00

Tomorrow is the last day of AS exams.
However, the MOST STRESSFUL day.
Don't know if I can make it through the one hour paper. Never have I encountered an MCQ paper with such tough questions. No joke. By far, this will be the toughest paper I've ever sat for.

Time to go drown my face in my chemistry books again.
GAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAH.

Memories of Nobody

2010-11-16T14:29:00.002+08:00

Somethings were supposed to have changed since a long time ago, but never took place.
It starts now.
Abit delayed, but it's not too late.
Here it begins.

2010-11-08T12:56:00.003+08:00

Fluctuating is not what I want, something I did not anticipate to happen.
It causes things to happen;
It has its actions, it must have its consequences.
To make a person change, or to change their impressions and opinions about me, is the worst of it all.
Somethings can be undone, but this?
It seems like a scab that would sooner or later leave a scar behind.
A scar that can never be undone, that stays there forever.
Whether or not it is one, who knows?
Hoping silently in a corner that it'll all be gone and forgotten about, like nothing ever happened.

2010-10-31T20:04:00.003+08:00

A horrible mess I've made.
A mess that can only be cleared up when these days are finally over.
A mess.. that only can be found in my room. LOL.
Never have I seen any room messier than this..
Too messy to be on this blog anyway.
CIAO!

2010-10-27T15:28:00.002+08:00

Who ever thought a day gone so wrong, would turn out so lovely.

AS exams has begun. I'm in the middle of it.
3 papers down, 9 more to go.
The papers ahead that I dread for the most are Chemistry 2, Econs 2, Chemistry Lab, Econs 1.
Once those papers are over, it'll be a big burden off my shoulders.
Once this exam is over, it'll be a great sigh of relief.
WAITING FOR THAT DAY SO BADLY RIGHT NOW.
OVEEEEEER.

2010-10-25T00:55:00.003+08:00

The solution was to talk how like how we always talked.
But when conversations die and get cut short,
this solution, or temporary remedy, to missing you is gone.

2010-10-24T16:01:00.002+08:00

Just read the posts of exactly one year ago..
The time where it all began.
Today is different, totally opposite to what was then and what is now.
Outcomes of events?
I hope they stay the same.

2010-10-22T01:14:00.000+08:00

I just wanna be right here with you,
I don't wanna see, see us apart,
I just wanna say it straight from my heart: ..

What a catch.

2010-10-10T19:52:00.000+08:00

I've got troubled thoughts,
And the self-esteem to match.

2010-10-06T10:16:00.009+08:00

There was a time where songs were barely heard in my daily life anymore,
That was long after I stopped listening to the only band I used to like listening to, Westlife.

In the year 2006, in the month of November, it all started coming back to me..
And the first album that made me start listening to songs again was..

YEAAAAAH!
My Chemical Romance's Black Parade >=D
But after this album, they sort of died for a long time..

Now they're back.. Not in black anymore, but in more colours though :P
This is their new singles though the official video isn't out yet.
YEAAAAAH. It gets the stress off my head after studying :P

NA NA NA NA NA NA!

I listen to it because it gives a certain mood but i don't take word for word of the lyrics for real and what it actually means to me. Just the tune. =)

It's every little thing you do, ever little thing you say.

2010-10-02T13:36:00.001+08:00

I'd do it all again, and that's the honest truth
and I did it for you.

Woke up as September ended.

2010-10-02T09:54:00.013+08:00

October October October.
Just as the song by Greenday, Wake Me Up When September Ends, slowly dies off, it's finally October.
And today is the 2nd of October, meaning it's the birthday of 2 people I'd like to make mention of!

First off is Aaron Minjoot! ( not being bias or anything, just following according to aphabetical order :P )

It's this guy. Not easy to get a picture of him ( mind you, he tends to be camera shy =P)
Yes, what about Aaron?
I knew him since I was in form 1, but he didn't bother wanting to get to know me so we didn't really know each other until.. form 4! :D

Yes, he's a smart guy. Smart in his own ways and own interests, such as history related and economics related topics.

Yes, he's tall too. That's why I linked him as "the coconut tree from portugal" =P
Having abit of portugese blood, abit of dutch blood and also abit of nyonya-chinese-dunno-what blood, he's got the looks. So ladies, if you're single, he's single too. XD

He's one of my favourite futsal buddy :D with the A-10 or with old La Salle buddies, if he's on my team, awesomeee! but if he's not, somehow I seem to injure him alot when he's not on my team. D: Not intentional!

The guy who brought me over to MAS1, but also the guy who left me in MAS1 while he left for AUP. oh well. D:

Well last but not least, the guy who somehow is able to read my mind when it comes to certain things. :P

Fuyoooh. The youngest prom King nominee from A-levels and became the Prom King that night.

Yes, those Genting times. Happy or sad, just hard to forget.

Kaki emo. :P

The A-10. :D The team that plays futsal, CS in the computer lab, dota, and go crazy in college.

The group that you brought me into. You're one who connects people together, and I couldn't thank you more for that. =)

The next person whose birthday is today is..

Franciskaaa Kim! :D

Franciska is often mistakened for a Korean, maybe because of her surname.
She's a friend whom I've known for roughly 6 months+.

She's smart, yes. Just like Aaron, she's smart in her own ways. Not everyone has to be good at the same things just to be considered smart.
She's helpful too especially in times of some ups and downs, drama, complications, etc etc. :)

She's been a great friend to all those she's close to or those she's helped out before.
Also a really caring friend, who tends to be evil and naughty at times :P
And is also the owner of the puppy I'd like to meet very badly now D:

All in all, she's a friend anybody would ask for if they knew her properly :)
And not forgetting, she and Aaron are able to read my mind more than how most people are able to. D: (you never knew that, did you? so thoughtless.. :P )

Her way of saying hi. Face-palming :P

Goofing around in the discussion room before MPW test.

She's always with the two, Annicia and Kaming. Aaron refers to them 3 as the 3 musketeers. :P

The times we all enjoyed ourselves, and managed to take a picture of the valley :P

Valley no. 2. Time goes on and many things may take place, but I hope that whatever it is, we be the friend we've always have been to each other.

Happy Birthday to you two. :)
The 2 closest friends I have around.

2010-09-29T20:19:00.006+08:00

Well I won't forget, but I don't have much to give either, but I'll do the best I can :)

Today is the birthday of a friend,
and that friend is.. *drums roll*

TA-DAAA!

Happy Birthday Danny Lim Jih Yang. :P

Though we don't talk often nowadays, though we rarely get along, but heh, we're still buddies. >=)
You were the first person I thought who would be smart in form one.
Even from the very first day I met you.
You came over to my seat and asked me "hi, my name is Danny (which I mistakened for Benny XD ), what's yours?"
Well, straights A's, you're smart!

You've taught me things, things like being a pain in the ass for others :P
And in return, I taught you (or more like you learnt from me indirectly) to be emo.
And as a student, you've exceeded what I could achieve. =P kidding!

A team mate for champion team in I-challenge last year, a helpful friend in Leo Club, in the prefects board, and probably chemistry tuition :P

You're a great friend. Yes, you've never heard this from me but let this be the first time then.
Truth be told, you're a friend whom I can depend on especially in times of need.

Memories unforgotten..
Yes, we will always remember that tragic day where we ruined the prefects gathering. LOL!

The days we attended prefect gatherings and goofed around. :P

Once in a while catching you in retarded and totally obscene poses. XD

Part of the Anti-Chua-as-the-head-prefect Squad. ( don't kill me chua! XD )

Regional Convention. :D

Leo Camp. Yes, Top Leader award for you, happy happy. :P That's our awesome flag too you're holding. ( and Sabash somehow camouflaged into the background right beside me = =")

Not forgetting Greenity! I-challenge Champions X)

Okay, I've said more than I planned to. :P
Happy 18th Birthday!

2010-09-28T13:38:00.002+08:00

The only reason left.
If there are no more reasons, I'll just go back to where I came from.

---------------------------

We do not possess certain things even though capability is not a problem, is because we fear losing what we possess.
We don't want to get ourselves hurt when we lose something,
We don't want to be seen as someone who gives up easily if we have to let something go, when our true intentions are purely selfless ones.
We don't want to be called selfish if we hold on to something we can't let go,
We don't want to be called stubborn if we are unwilling to let something go or if we don't want to give up just yet.
We don't want to hurt others if we have to lose something.

I have this fear, to lose what I have, or what I can have.
What I can have is something that keeps me going..
Something that is the only reason why I'm staying.

How much it all means to me, I never said.
So many words in my head I never spoke of, just dying inside me to be poured out.
There are just so many things, even a balloon has it's maximum capacity before it explodes.
Never was anything said because the best was what I wanted for you.
And if I were to speak up, you'll never have the best of what you could have gotten.
And the best is something we never know would be the best.

2010-09-26T22:00:00.002+08:00

Learning to give away what I want,
To treat another how I want to be treated,
To be someone whom the present cannot comprehend.
In other words, learning to be myself.

2010-09-22T13:52:00.002+08:00

Staring at the book doesn't mean I'm studying.
I'm just finding something to cover up what I'm really doing.
To cover up the fact that I'm actually isolating myself and over-thinking, if not that, then clearing up my thoughts.

Right or wrong, I can't tell.

2010-09-22T13:43:00.002+08:00

I'm just listening to the clock go ticking
I am waiting as the time goes by
I think of you with every breath I take
I need to feel your heartbeat next to mine

I just want to hold you
I just want to kiss you
I just want to love you all my life
I normally wouldn't say this
But I just can't contain it
I want you here forever, right here
By my side

All the fears you feel inside
And all the tears you've cried
They're ending right here
I'll heal your heart and soul
I'll keep you oh so close
Don't worry I'll never let you go

You're all I need
You're everything

No one else would ever do
I got a stubborn heart for you
Call me crazy but it's true
I love you
I didn't think that it would be
You who made it clear to me
You're all I need

2010-09-17T02:10:00.002+08:00

The things that make you look unusual,
The things that make you look out of place,
The things that make you differ from others,
The things that make you look weird,
The things that make you look peculiar..
In other words, the things that make you special.

2010-09-14T12:49:00.002+08:00

I've been trying to tolerate with your lack of manners and sense of logic.
It seems that you really have no sense of logic, thinking that I don't have any.
Pointing a finger at me doesn't mean the remaining 4 aren't pointing at you.

Your attitude. You lack respect, tolerance, and even patience.
Being so selfish, you only care about getting what you want no matter what happens.
And being so selfish, you show your true colours.
You sharp tongue, uncontrolled, shooting words of anger, insults and the like at people who get in your way, not considering the effects and the consequences your actions will bring you.

You're not one to be proud of.
I've been trying to forget all the past, but you're one to be ashamed of.
You never know what you've got till it's gone.
One day you'll lose everything, then you'll know how much people have been trying to help you.

I'm sure you will learn one day.. and that day will be too late.

2010-09-12T12:45:00.003+08:00

I cried a tear,
You wiped it dry.
I was confused,
You cleared my mind.
I sold my soul,
You bought it back for me.
And held me up and gave me dignity,
Somehow you needed me.

You gave me strength,
To stand alone again,
To face the world,
Out on my own again.
You put me high upon a pedestal,
So high that I could almost see eternity.
You needed me.

And I can't believe it's you I can't believe it's true,
I needed you and you were there.
And I'll never leave, why should I leave,
I'd be a fool,
'Cause I've finally found someone who really cares.

You held my hand,
When it was cold.
When I was lost,
You took me home.
You gave me hope,
When I was at the end.
And turned my lies,
Back into truth again.
You even called me friend.
You needed me.

2010-09-10T15:56:00.001+08:00

"When I see your face,
there's not a thing that I would change
And when you smile,
the whole world stops and stares for a while."
-The way you are-

2010-09-06T17:45:00.005+08:00

So often I find myself looking back at all the things I've done, the people I've let down, the people I've disappointed.
Disappointment for even the smallest matters, they haunt me.
Times of embarrassment, humiliation, loss of expectations.

Those times I was hesitant, times I was too desperate, and every single time I become someone very indecisive, they lead me to mistakes.
Sooner or later? now? when?

My mind is in such a state, you could say it's starting to malfunction.
A pool of water with gentle waves or with constant ripples in it, that's not what my mind is anymore.
Picutre a pool of stagnant water, so stagnant that there's not even the slightest current on the surface due to the blowing wind.
Just completely stagnant, it doesn't seem right at all.
Then every once in a while, a humongous splash comes, and the water in the pool splatters at every direction.

Within seconds, the pool water becomes stagnant again.
Something is wrong.

Every action I take is a mistake.
Mistakes that lead to good outcomes, or horrible consequences, that's what I encounter throughout the day.
Why do I say they're mistakes? I never know the right time to do the things I should do, actions done at the wrong timing- mistakes.
Why wrong timing?
I'm always indecisive of when I should do something or should I just leave it.
If I'm a little too early, mistake done.
A little too late, mistake done.
right on time? never happens.. does it?

2010-09-06T17:37:00.001+08:00

Isn't it funny how time seems to slip away so fast.
One minute you're happy, the other you're sad. If life is so short,
Before we run out of time,
Why won't you take the chance,
Before our time has gone.

2010-09-05T16:22:00.002+08:00

I don't want to lose what I have now.
I might never lose it, or I might lose more than what I think I am capable of losing.
I have a feeling I'm in the category just like others.
I was. Maybe I am now, too.
Maybe will always be.

2010-09-04T22:10:00.001+08:00

How bad things get, all you need to do is keep talking.
Talk until the sun shines again.
Talk.

2010-09-01T21:42:00.004+08:00

So many reasons to why I miss those old days,
the days of April and May,
June and July too,
times that are now only our live's backview.

2010-08-31T23:38:00.000+08:00

I have to admit, I'm screwed.

2010-08-28T21:35:00.002+08:00

I smile, you laugh, I look away.
I sigh, you ask me why, I say,
"It's okay and I am just feelin' down."

When our primary light source fails to shine anymore, we just find another source to give us light;
We find another not because we find a replacement for the old one, but because they can provide us what we need, to provide what others have failed to provide.

2010-08-26T19:31:00.002+08:00

Every day like today.
Every minute like an hour.
Every nothing like something.

2010-08-25T02:05:00.002+08:00

This fear.
It's causing me to keep my distance right from the start,
because I don't want to be distanced in the end.
Trying my best to not hold on to anything because I'm afraid of losing it.

2010-08-25T01:40:00.003+08:00

After all these time,
I thought I could stand by myself already.
That was until you came along.
Now I realize I'm just the same as before.
I keep falling over and over again.

2010-08-25T01:00:00.002+08:00

Each time I wake up, it just feels like everything just got worse than before.
My thoughts, my future.
All because of mistakes I do not know I'm making.
Somehow, everything seems to be a mistake now.
And with time running out, I am a mistake for what has yet to be done.
What is it that has to be done?
I don't know.
My brain is starting to lose it's focus, to lose it's ability to think anymore.
I can't think.
Everything is just jammed and undigested.

2010-08-25T00:46:00.003+08:00

Talk to myself again, all alone, on my own
Walk by the scene again, just to see what people see
Caught in your stubborn hold, and I'm so far from home

So turn the lights on,
Turn the lights on for me
Keep the lights on,
Keep the lights on for me

Lost in your thoughts again, consciously you think of me
Focus your perfect words with a pen you write me in
I can't be reached, so far from here, I need you near

Don't go to sleep

I wait for you, I stay for you.

2010-08-25T00:38:00.002+08:00

Tonight is one of those times I regret dozing off.
Waking up just makes me feels very stupid.
My mind is as twisted as ever.

2010-08-24T00:45:00.003+08:00

I think I'm moving but I go nowhere.
I don't know what's going on.
There's too much on my mind right now.

2010-08-23T16:03:00.002+08:00

Trying to digest what I've just found out,
to sort out my thoughts, clearing the doubts.

Lies you said.
Pretence you've made.
For the sake of someone or for selfish intentions?

2010-08-22T19:18:00.002+08:00

I want to do something about it.
But for this once, maybe I should just wait.
Maybe not.
I don't know.
To hesitate or to be hasty?

Different. Somethings are, somethings aren't.

2010-08-17T19:44:00.001+08:00

"There are moments when I don't know if it's real,
Or if anybody feels the way I feel."

2010-08-16T23:51:00.001+08:00

I could leave anytime.
Just anytime at all.
It's a matter of if I'd want to leave or not.
Nothing is holding me, anchoring me down.

2010-08-11T23:17:00.002+08:00

Maybe the things I seek and the things you seek aren't the same.
Maybe they are the same.
But there's so much to risk for this matter.
This fight to keep it invisible and silent is getting harder to do each day.